To be human is to know loss in its many forms. When we acknowledge our grief, we begin the process of being made whole again.
“My grief says that I dared to love, that I allowed another to enter the very core of my being and find a home in my heart. Grief is akin to praise; it is how the soul recounts the depth to which someone has touched our lives. To love is to accept the rites of grief.”
~ Francis Weller, The Wild Edge of Sorrow
On October 28, 2023, I laid my sweet dad to rest. I had the privilege of delivering his eulogy. But it wasn’t until I had finished writing it and I sat there reading it that I realized just how much his way of being shaped and influenced who I am and, also, just what an incredible human being he truly was.
I’d like to share his eulogy as a tribute to him.
_________________________
Hello everyone. On behalf of my mom and my kids, I want to thank you all for being here today to honor my dad’s memory. I can see the smile it would bring to his face to see you all here.
It is an impossible feat to sum up the importance and influence that my dad has had in my life. As I witnessed his life and his way of being, I learned about altruism and what it means to be a loving, compassionate, grateful and generous person.
My dad and I were alike in so many ways. We have the same laugh. His smile always reached his eyes. His laughter always came from the core of his being. You could feel the genuineness of his joy.
He was very intuitive and he understood me on a level very few people could and he was the one who introduced me to my intuitive abilities.
He loved to be outdoors and he had a special connection with nature and we both shared a love for the power of plant spirit medicine. He was always reading about plants and brewing up some herbal remedy. From this, I learned from him, to respect the design of nature and the beautiful power it holds for us.
My dad loved to tend to our garden at home. Around this time each year, he would gather all the lemons from our lemon trees in the backyard and he would squeeze the juice from each lemon into bottles and put them in the freezer. We would have lemon juice to last us the whole year.
Every morning, while I would drink my coffee I would see my dad walk out to his car in the driveway and open up the trunk. And I would watch him carry something over to the side of the driveway near the sidewalk and pour something on the ground. I didn’t know what he was doing until just recently. He had a bucket of rice in his trunk and he was putting food out to feed the birds.
My dad was athletic. He was an avid golfer and, growing up, we spent a lot of time together at the golf course. I watched his collection of trophies grow and grow as he won golf tournament after golf tournament.
From this, I learned from him the importance of staying active and the will power it takes to dedicate yourself to something you love in order to get really good at it.
My dad was a prankster and, growing up, he loved to hide and jump out and scare me any chance he could get, and I would always try to scare him back.
He loved to tell stories and jokes. His favorite joke was, “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the road could not cross the chicken.” He told that joke all the time. My kids love dad jokes because of him.
He always let his inner child come out to play no matter how old he got. And from this, I learned from him the importance of letting that aspect in me to always stay alive and to always pursue laughter consciously. To live joyfully.
My dad loved listening to music from the 30s and 40s. He loved Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Patti Page and other artists of that era. Growing up, he would play their music every evening during dinner time and whenever we would have guests over.
My dad never went anywhere that he didn’t make a friend. He would strike up a conversation with anyone who was within his ear shot. I’ll never forget the way his face would light up and the way he smiled anytime there was anyone around him. He just loved people.
My uncle Ernie, one of dad’s best friends, told me that my dad had so many friends at the mall near our house. He would go every week so they could walk around and socialize.
As a kid, I would get embarrassed whenever he would try to strike up a conversation with anyone who crossed his path. But as I’ve gotten older, I see the wisdom that his actions imparted to me: I learned an important measure of courage in his willingness to be vulnerable so that he can be seen and understood for who he truly was. He showed me how to be authentic.
One of the greatest attributes about my dad and the quality I respected the most about him was his love for mankind. My dad did a lot of humanitarian and philanthropy work. We all have a purpose in life and I believe that this was his. It was a big part of who he was. He had a strong desire and passion to make a positive impact on society. He was very active with the Lions Club organization and was the founder of some of the clubs within that organization. Some special memories I have with him is going to feed the homeless and countless other acts of service to the community.
From his altruistic desire to improve human welfare, I learned from him how to live life with an open heart and how to live from a loving, selfless, compassionate, and generous place. He showed me what unconditional love is on a broader scale. The work he did will continue to live beyond him.
This aspect of who he was has had the most profound influence on me. He was such a giver and he believed in the inherent goodness of people.
But if there was one thing I would say that my dad absolutely loved and was incredibly passionate about, it was his love for his grandkids, Ferris and Elle. His love for them was immeasurable. They called him Lolo. He had a very special relationship with them and they with him.
My dad got sick around Father’s Day. I got to spend a lot of time with him this year because of the strike that is going on in my industry. I am full of gratitude to have been able to spend all that time with him and it brought me a lot of joy to be able to help care for him.
No matter how hard things got for my dad, he showed a lot of strength and he always held an optimistic mindset and he never complained. When asked if he was in pain, he always said no. My dad was always, always so full of gratitude and he expressed it to me often. He would always say, “I’m so lucky. I’m so lucky to have you. I’m so lucky to have your mom. I’m so lucky to have the kids.”
In this, my dad showed me that even though things were rough, there is still so much to be grateful for and to never let the hard things overshadow the good that is still there.
Even when he was in the ICU, he had an optimistic mindset and he was always telling jokes and stories. Before he went in for a procedure he said to me, “Kris, take a picture so that I have a souvenir.” He showed me resilience and an unconquerable spirit.
The spiritual part of me knows he still exists and that this is not goodbye, but the human part of me misses him incredibly. Thank you, Dad, for everything. I love you. ❤️
I would also like to share this letter, some words that the members of the LA Fil Am Lions Club wrote about my dad. -
Lion Ben Bautista
He was a current member, past president, and most importantly, a dear friend to us all at the LA Fil Am Lions Club organization.
He was a member for over thirty years. Chartering three new clubs within our district which exist and still give back to our community to this day. During his tenor as President he was responsible for overseeing the fundraising and donating of moneys sent to St. Patrick’s Cathedral housing project in Betis, Pampanga, Philippines. Which build permanent housing for families in the region with the donations received.
He was an active member assisting with our community projects as well with our districts mobile vision screening unit. He was a wealth of knowledge and guidance for us all. Always willing to assist in moving our club forward. We as a club and our community will miss him dearly.
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